I used to think that the ‘quarter life crisis’ was just a myth, only felt by a few people, and I thought, maybe I wouldn’t go through that phase. I had such thoughts because I always considered myself as someone who was always positive thinking in almost everything. But it turns out, this is real.
The fear, anxiety, confusion, and other negative feelings are all mixed up, very, very, very terrifying. I didn’t know before that these feelings are truly so frightening, always following me wherever and whenever. I always pray that I can get through each day well, at least smoothly, not haunted by such terrifying feelings.
Every day, every hour, every moment, I always surf the internet to find out how I can get through this, I try many things and it turns out to be futile. I try to discuss with people who have gone through this phase, I follow all their advice, and it still hasn’t been effective for me.
And honestly, as honest as I can be, I’m really scared. Why aren’t all the tips on the internet, all the advice given by my seniors, having much impact on me? What’s wrong with me? Is the quarter life crisis phase really this terrifying?
So far, I still haven’t found what I need to do to get through this phase, and every day, this feeling of gloom gets more and more terrifying. I can’t trust anyone but myself, I can’t enjoy the coffee I always drink every day, there’s always this strange feeling screaming in my head, the ‘what if’ thoughts that never stop.
So far, the things that can quiet down all the noise in my head are only two, even though they can’t disappear forever. At least, if I need peace to focus on an activity or want to sleep, there are two things I can do. The first is to believe in myself that everything is okay.
The second is to keep feeling grateful. Grateful for everything I have received today, grateful for being given the opportunity to still do enjoyable activities like drinking coffee, or meeting friends, colleagues, or anyone. Grateful that I am still given the chance to live.
Perhaps those two things are indeed effective strategies that have so far managed to quiet the noise in my mind, even though it doesn’t completely stop. At least, I feel grateful that everything can calm down for a while. But, do I have to keep doing those two things continuously?
Is the quarter life crisis phase only meant to make us realize those two things? Honestly, I don’t know. I really have no clue about that. I feel like I’ll just keep doing these two things continuously until… I don’t know. Until this phase passes? Or until the end of my life? I truly don’t know how to answer that.
Clearly, I’ve learned a lot from this phase, I feel a lot of improvement happening within me. Perhaps, I could write down in a book all the improvements that have occurred within me, maybe. But one thing is for sure, I realize and understand one thing. This phase is a necessary stage for everyone, to make them aware of many things. Everyone will surely have their own stories, experiences, and ways of going through this phase.
Likewise, I hope I can find more answers from this experience. Hopefully.
